FORGIVENESS..

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

-- Mahatma Gandhi

The past few days have been very gloomy to me. The sun was shining every now and then, but my heart saddened by the fact, I had to convince myself really hard to forgive that someone.

Coming here is second chance that Allah has given me. But looks like I've wasted on tolerating people's strange behaviour. Even more strange to me that the behaviour that I need to deal with are with so called highly qualified people.

I was or still am expected to take sides or choose ' a camp' for survival here. Yooo..I'm here to make as many friends as possible...why should I indulge myself into other people's problems and mess..I wasn't even here when all those weird things happened. Why should I be on anybody's side man..gosh..

I am known for my friendly, happy go lucky nature..why should I make enemies? You have your enemies..deal with it..don't drag me with you man..I may be your colleague..but to team packed with you and hurt others..sorry..mak cheq marah ok...!!!!

I wrote letter of 'luahan perasaan' couple of times. But my dear ayang haji advised me not to send any as he is very sure that it will have no effect on the relevant party. God..my man has spoken..I know I should listened...I should..

But I can't leave this place with heavy heart..from 5 pages of letter..I finally wrote a page and only words of forgiveness that I've uttered. I deleted the painstaking part and yup..hopefully he will read it with open heart..

I wanted to say it personally but he left before 5pm..Allah has planned it that way...so..I realized that some things are better left unsaid..

So..Ya Allah Ya Rabb..forgive me for all my wrongdoings..even though in this particular matter not sure what were they..but I must have tripped on people's toes without realizing it...forgive me Ya Rabb..I pray to you that I will have better days ahead of me and I'm sure after a year of turbulence, You must be sending someone who will work better with me..after all I am here to work and to provide my service with Your Guidance Ya Allah.....

Lead me to the correct path and give me all the courage, motivation and strength to provide my best service to all my kids, brothers and sisters here...

To You I seek forgiveness Ya Allah..may You too open his heart and repent for all the wrongdoings that he has committed to us all...

Though it's hard..really really hard...I want to forgive him..I really do...cause I want to lift the heavy weight that has been pressing my mind and heart all these while..

For those who have supported me in every way you did..I truly appreciate your true friendship...may Allah bless us all..

To that someone..I wish you all the best and may some day you repent in your own silent way what you have done to the people around you...

You have a faithful wife, mature kids and don't let Allah take that away from you..Sometimes, Allah has his way to punish us..If He doesn't punish us the parents..He will punish our kids for all our sins...none of us would want that, wouldn't we?

Bon voyage and may your future undertakings promise you a better life..a more meaningful life..Insya'Allah...my sincere prayers are with you..

Alhamdulillah..I guess I feel much better after letting all the miseries out of my chest..wooshhh...they've been there far too long...

Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me... 

--Anonymous