When a child is allowed to grow in a permissive environment with capacious freedom, it is not uncommon for them to lie. That’s because they may have had to make choices they were not equipped to make and have done things they know it was wrong. Lying may continue in an effort to hide those things.
In society, admitting mistakes are seen as weak, fragile, and prone to error. These common assumptions are the reason we see people transferring guilt and causing uproar and dislike for each other in society. It’s discouraging and immature.
Can people not get along without covering up lies and admitting to mistakes? I’m not talking about the superficial lies where when your girlfriend asks you if her dress is beautiful and you inexplicably say yes to ensure you are off the hook – but the lies and mistakes that affect other well beings.
Ok, so you have screwed up. You have done something horridly wrong and judgement day awaits.
Perhaps you have lost an important business client. Sent a confidential email to the wrong recipient. Used the wrong choice of words in an email to a client. Whatever the situation, someone trusted you to do the job and you failed.
An instant thing to do and probably the most coward and selfish method is to duck and pass the blame to others. This decision is not difficult and it is always an easy out. But hang on a second here, is it really an easy out? Or is it an out that closes all your future and potential escape routes? Is it a sin that causes you to sin even more? Will it be the lie that eventually causes you to lie again and again? Are you that weasel?
It’s hard to say and its even harder to predict-depending on the situation. But there is always another option. That option is admitting to the mistake. That means reflecting on your mistake and ensuring that it does not happen again. Admitting means to not weasel your way out of the mistake by deferring attention away to yourself like Camille Cacnio. Remember her from the riot? She looted Black & Lee and lost her job at Burrard Acura. When she wrote a public apology, she blamed others for starting the riot (looting is not part of rioting?) and indicated that the riot was an adrenaline rush that she sought and it was ultimately enjoyable for her. She then continues to defend herself saying that the store was already broken into and it wouldn’t have made a difference that she took a few items from there. But better yet, she tells the world she is a moral person! She says “If you still don’t believe I am a good person… I am majoring in Conservation Biology at UBC. I strongly believe in ecological conservation and sustainability. That night, I saw a few people knocking trees down. I yelled at them, saying pleaase, not the trees!” She is literally making the connection that we should not judge her because she is an environmentalist! Give her a “get out of jail free” card? NO way!
Camille Cacnio, you are a great example. A prime example of a person who made a mistake, deferred attention, downplayed the situation and had even the guts to deny that you have done anything at all! And if that wasn’t enough, Camille showed that she cares deeply about the society and took the effort to tell a few guys who where knocking down trees at the riot “stop, pleaasee…not the trees!” Outrageously horrid and funny at the same time. But in all seriousness, she is a good public example explaining the types of excuses these people have for committing a mistake.
Recently, I have met people who have looked for ways to dodge bullets. You admit to your fault, face the consequences, ask God for forgiveness and repent.
A story I once heard was that of a father who told his son to throw away the garbage. The son said he will do it later. When the father came back from work and saw insects in the kitchen, he had found that the garbage was not dispensed. The son, feeling guilty, threw away the garbage immediately afterward. But not before the damage was done. The kitchen required thorough cleaning. Food on the counter was replaced. Schedules were disrupted to clean up the mess.
Will you admit to the mistake before things become worse?
Mistakes never go away themselves. Someone has to deal with them. Whether that is yourself, friends, families or coworkers, someone out there has to contend with your selfishness for not admitting to the mistake in the first place. A bullet that doesn’t hit its target doesn’t stop but keeps going until it hits something. High-Five if you dodged a bullet, but shame on you for losing the trust of the people around you. Shame on you for having other people clean your mess. Shame on you for being a turtle.
Admitting mistakes can often lead to resolution. A resolution that may even lessen the consequence should the parties involved are content with a sincere explanation and apology. It will show character, courage and integrity. This just might be enough to keep your job and your reputation.
The following are pointers taken from lifehacks on dealing with mistakes:
- See things from someone’s perspective: If you’ve made a promise and failed to keep it, put yourself in the other party’s shoes and see how things look from there. How would you feel? What would your response be if you were them? And what action would satisfy you?
- Be sympathetic: Realize that your mistakes might affect many more people than just you, and recognize the pain you’ve caused. A little bit of sympathy can well be the opening you need to set things right.
- Take responsibility: Don’t try to weasel out of it, and don’t look around wildly for someone else to blame. Even if your failure came about because someone let youdown, you’re ultimately responsible for the projects under your authority.
- Accept the consequences: It’s hard, I know, but sometimes you have to bite the bullet and take your lumps. Few actions come without any consequences at all; be prepared to embrace whatever befalls you as a result of the mistakes you’ve made.
- Have a plan: Taking responsibility means being prepared to clean up the mess, which means you need a plan. You should have a clear idea of what went wrong and how you can fix it — and how you can avoid it in the future.
- Be sincere: Don’t pretend to feel sympathy or act phony so that the other person can see how deeply you care. Don’t play the martyr. Show honest emotion — the first step to rebuilding the trust lost.
- Apologize. No, really. A lot of people go to great lengths to make up for their mistakes — or to hide them — when a simple “I’m sorry” would do the job, and cause a lot fewer hard feelings.
While these are excellent pointers to deal with mistakes, it doesn’t necessarily mean your job, relationships are intact after admitting a mistake. But at least with this, you will come out with dignity and know that you have done the best you could to resolve the issue. And that starts with a simple apology.
AWAT CHEQ: Hmm..hati ingat nak tambah komen kat sini..tapi dah tengah malam ni. Malas dah nak luah perasaan banyak2. Yang bengap tu tetap bengap..yg bangang pun tetap bangang..nak kata apa lagi dah. Ni la orang kata takut dengan bayang2 sendiri. One lie will lead to more lies. Apa yg 'depa' buat kat cheq..depa tau..cheq tau dan yg paling penting Allah Ta'ala tau..kalau depa ingat depa boleh terlepas di dunia..tak pa la..yg pasti di Padang Mahsyar..biaq depa jawab la apa yg depa dah buat kat cheq..spesis apa tak tau aih..dok habaq kat org depa cendikiawan la..humble la....yg betulnya title tu sesuai sbg permanent head damage. Dok perasan sendiri..jiwa kacau..nak buat lagu mana..
Apa pun cheq doa la..sebelum Allah amik nyawa...banyakkan bertobat. Kesian kat anak2 kot yg kena tanggung dosa mak bapak, yg tak dak anak..kesian mak bapak nak kena tanggung dosa depa. Walau pon cheq marah ni..tapi jauh disudut hati cheq doa..agar depa dapat ketenangan dan keampunan satu hari nanti..kacau sungguh jiwa depa ni. Inferior dan insecure tak tentu hala..apa la yg ada kat cheq ni..tak dak apa pun..tok sah dok penaya cheq la. Cheq tak kacau sapa pun...che mai sini nak berkhidmat utk Agama, Bangsa dan Negara..lillahitaala..itu saja niat cheq..ok la..good nite..letih dok tengok gambar korea hari ni..terubat jugak hati cheq, Nak mengaji dok bulan mengambang lagi..Harap2 lepas ni boleh mengaji balik..ketenangan hakiki dan abadi..InsyaAllah. Muga Allah akan terus melindungi cheq dari dengki khianat spesis yg cheq jarang jumpa ni..Muga pintu taubat sentiasa terbuka utk kita semua kerana setiap dari kita seringkali melakukan kesilapan. Tapi pilihlah jika terdaya utk tidak terus-terusan membuat dosa...Ya Rabb lindungi aku, keluarga dan saudara mara ku dari kesilapan yang disengajakan..insyaAllah..Ameen...
Salam Kemaafan,
Awat Cheq
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